5/13/09

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inspiration.
motivation.
enthusiasm?
any +/or all of the above?
got any?
because i need some.

i need to find a job.
+ i am not motivated to do so.
in any way, shape or form.
+ when i do browse the listings
i get even more frustrated.
there is nothing that i want.
nothing that i think i will be happy at.
+ it is so discouraging.

i would be perfectly content with no office job.
no 8-5.
no meaningless reports.
+ no feeling unimportant.
like before.

i love having the time that i do now.
to take photos.
+ use my creative outlets in a way that makes me happy.
but i can't.
not forever.
because we need money.
+ it sucks.

i am just feeling less + less motivated everyday.
+ i have to have a job in two months
or else we are going to have to deal with serious consequences.
i just hate this place that i am in right now.
+ i don't seem to know where to go or what to do next.

i need help.
i need guidance.
i really don't know what i even need.
i just had to write about nothing really
to get it off of my chest.
but not even this is making me feel better about the situation today.

i am still so grateful for all of the amazing aspects of my life.
+ i truly do realize that when i am dealing with is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
but i am just scared of not finding anything.
or not being happy.
+ having a time limit upon which i must find something
is so hard + frustrating + terrifying.
+ it is changing everything.
all of our plans.
how we thought we knew just where we were + what was next.
+ now it's just all different.

have you been here before?
how did you get through?
i just want someone to find something for me.
+ interview for me.
+ just do all the hard stuff for me.
how selfish is that?


.lovely.
currently listening to :: fitz + the dizzyspells by andrew bird.

7 comments:

Kristy said...

I feel ya, and I HAVE a job! Quarter-life crisis- blerrrg
Maybe you shoud try something part time/temporary for a little while? You could work at a bookstore or other retail type place until you find something you really LOVE, so that you don't feel tied down to a company. I took the first job I could get out of school, and now I feel stuck in a place I don't like.
Keep your chin up sweetie- and if you're desperate, you can come to Savannah and I'll get you a job where i work! :)

Danielle said...

[I'm a lurker.] I totally hear you. I've been looking for one since December. It seems that everything I apply for I'm either overqualified, underqualified, or there are 300 applicants. Not to mention that the jobs really, really suck and are either boring or make no use of my degree. :( It definitely makes it hard to plan for the future when you don't know what the future's going to bring. Good luck!!!

Julia said...

I truly think this challenge was put in front of you for a reason, and you'll figure it all out. It totally sucks to be an adult sometimes. But just remember, no job is perfect and you can find your true happiness elsewhere....not from your career. Hang in there!

Joi said...

Chelsea, you're always in my thoughts girl. Here's hoping you get something so wonderful!!!

Nick, Brianne and Landen said...

Hi Chelsea. I have been there. Everything you are experiencing right now, I've gone through. I have a lot of faith, and I believe you will find something wonderful. I've worked alongside you in college so I know you're talents! There is light at the end of the tunnel. =)

Bri said...

Keep your head up Chels! You are so talented and have many reasons to be happy aside from a career. Things will fall in to place, just remember you have lots of love and support all around you!

Lindsay said...

Things will work for you! You're so creative and talented you'll find something that you love. Remember no one has a 'perfect' job. You have to take the good with the bad! hang in there!