MGMT |MTV Music

this song+video is the absolute only thing making me smile today.

...because it makes this real. But it is real, and this is what I have my blog for, so here goes. I found out on Monday that my job was eliminated. It hasn't been an easy couple of days because I'm just trying to understand and cope with all of this. And honestly, I have kind of been in complete shock and disbelief... I am still in the process of trying to make myself believe it.

Monday was a confusing day. I didn't know if it was just me? Or if it was a group of cuts? But at that time I didn't really care.... it was my job, my mortgage, my electric bill, my food, my life. I was emotional to say the least and very, very confused. I was told that it was not performance-related, but that was all I knew. I cried to Brian and my parents and tried to understand it all. I have since learned that an entire division, my division, was completely cut. So basically all of my co-workers on my team, my boss, my bosses boss, and so forth had all lost their jobs. 700 people. This did not make me feel any better, but it was comforting to know that I was not alone. Shortly thereafter the calls started rolling in from my co-workers who had lost their jobs as well... and there was comfort in that. But it still is what it is. I am just trying to imagine everything that our team did... and how the heck they are going to take care of all that... but I keep forgetting that this isn't my worry anymore. A very strange feeling. I have worked there for 7 years... since I was in high school. I have never worked anywhere else... and now I am being forced to step out of my comfort zone and figure out what to do.

I'm not saying that in the end this will not be a positive thing, because it very well may be, and I truly hope that it is. But for now, it is just scary. Terrifying.

I am lucky that the company is being very good about everything. I get severance through July so I have time to figure things out, but at the same time, I don't want to waste any time because of the way the economy is I have to make sure that I find something within that time. I just have to figure out what I want. I don't know if I want to do what my degree is in, or if I would even be able to find anything in that area. I just know that I want to be happy. And so I have to start searching for jobs and figuring this all out... but it just still all seems so crazy.

I still have my work laptop and company credit cards and miscellaneous items. I still have go there and clean out my cubicle.... it's so crazy. I spent all day yesterday basically in a whirlwind... my mind just won't shut off. I can't sleep. I couldn't get over the fact that I didn't have to get up and go to the office yesterday... it's just such a routine and now everything is changed. I've basically been sitting on the couch with G, trying to distract my mind with How I Met Your Mother and ice cream {that my dad dropped off} and Starbucks {that my mom dropped off} and did I mention that birds nest that has taken residence on my head? But it just doesn't matter and I just don't care. Eventually I remember everything and just start crying again. I know that this will pass... but I just need some time to get this to sink in. And I can't stop thinking about some of the amazing people that I work with... the ones with kids to worry about, and the ones who's husbands have been laid off already and now what are they going to do? It is just so unfair and so unreal.

But then I remember that Brian and I are alive and healthy. And with so many things going on in our world... that is all that matters. It doesn't matter where we live or what we have or if we have to move in with our parents at 24... we are alive and healthy and have each other. And that is the only thing that truly matters.

I think I'm going to take this week... to adjust myself. I've already cleaned off my computer, but like I said I still have many loose ends to tie up. I want to get this all taken care of so that I can put the past out of my mind. And then hopefully next week I can start to focus on my future. I just really have to work on getting myself there.

I had a lot of perks at my job that I will miss... a lot. Working from home in my pajamas on Mondays, often margarita Friday afternoons, trips around the country to see places I might have otherwise never see, and making truly amazing friends that I know I will have forever. It's easy to focus on the good things when you don't have them anymore. So I'm also trying to remind myself that it wasn't all sunshine+roses... I also had co-workers that I couldn't stand and oftentimes felt insignificant because my job wasn't really helping people... so I should really remember both sides of the story. But it's not easy.

Here's to hoping that I will get there soon and forget about all of this heartbreak...



{words that i needed to hear today via lovely happenings}.

My flickr is now somewhat up to date {and don't you just love the word hooray; I think it is pretty darn great}.

I've finally begun uploading more photographs to my flickr. I still have a ways to go, but for now you can see the newly-painted guest room; as well as random shots around the house; my favorite sweet little family; randomness from my everyday life; some shots outdoors which will hopefully expand greatly within the next few weeks; and of course my precious friends+family {i'm not gonna lie- G is pretty much the star of the show}.

Have a lovely weekend! I will be enjoying a wonderful Twilight-filled night tonight with my ladies; getting our patio set + grill set up on Saturday; enjoying said patio set + grill + wine + backyard bonfires on Saturday night; + relaxing on Sunday with a lot of this+this. Can. Not. Wait.

currently listening to :: of moons, birds + monsters by mgmt.

I keep eyeing little specks of you wanting to burst out so badly! I can’t wait for you to get here… my list for you keeps growing. I can't wait to...

enjoy my favorite place of our house; our back deck.
complete with a good book + a bottle of wine.
while G naps next to me in the sunlight.
did I mention back deck blogging?
grill out with the regular gang.
+ bag tossing competitions.
+ is it just me + my friends? but we always seem to have the most amazing conversations while lounging on the back deck?
take more walks.

make lemon bars {or maybe just eat kathy's}.
pick fresh flowers from our backyard.
weekly trips to farmer’s market.
drink more beer {because it is just more acceptable when the weather is nice}.

set my speakers on the windowsill inside so we can hear it outside {a la high school days}.
backyard bonfires.
the smell of sunscreen.
paint our house a buttery yellow.
blow bubbles {just because you can}.
eat popsicles.
wear you+you+you {while daydreaming of you+you}.


Mmmmm…. Spring, I really do love you.

{griptape}.

currently listening to :: weekend wars by mgmt.

He has no problem being my camera's object of affection + often times makes the funniest faces {I guess thats two reasons}.

I loved this film. It was most certainly not your average, hunky-dory wedding story... this film was real. It was about real families, dealing with real issues, + trying to keep some form of sanity in tact while getting to + through a wedding.... which in reality is not easy. Granted this family might deal with more than your usual circumstances.... it was just so honest + true + so heartbreaking, yet so full of love. And did I mention the music was brilliant?

And of course Anne Hathaway was incredible in her role as Kym, but my favorite of the film was Rosemarie DeWitt. She was amazing + I really liked her as an actress {not to mention her hair is just fabulous}.

If you haven't seen it yet, you should add it to your queue. I think you will enjoy it... the acting, the story, the music, the love.

currently listening to :: hardcore days + softcore nights by aquaduct.

01. valspar paint.
02. my husband doing the dishes.
03. dinners with my amazing friends.
04. birthday presents.
05. getting urban outfitters' new catalog in the mail.
06. and pretending that I can get whatever I want.
07. shower curtains with ruffles.
08. finding a very cool copy of my favorite book.
09. for $6.
10. our veterinarian.
11. ham+cheese omelets.
12. especially when my husband makes them.
13. kathy's better-than-sex cake.
14. all of my new amazing records.
15. wearing my husband's clothes.
16. handmade jewelery.
17. singing greeting cards.
18. being so in love with my husband.
19. quoting How I Met Your Mother.
20. every single day.
21. skipping.
22. good book recommendations.
23. anthropologie's window displays.

24. headbands from here.

25. another amazing gig poster artist.
26. can't stop listening to animal collective.
27. martha's ruffle tower cake.
28. the above mantra via ffffound.
29. + that it forced me to focus on the good things this week.
30. the legendary coffee drinker {ME} print via artsyville.
31. is it possible for me to grateful for three prints this week?
32. yes, I think so which is why I am adding this lovely piece {+ I am grateful for that fact}.
33. good lighting.
34. really good mexican food with my lovelies.
35. + picking up right where we left off.
36. the my life story diary via charles&marie {love}.
37. pretty rooms like this one.
38. justwatchthesky tumblr + it's amazing tunes.
39. 75 degree weather {yes, i'm serious}.
40. enjoying said 75 degree weather {cruising around town with my sunroof open + music blaring}.
41. + the feeling that this gives me.
42. this friendly reminder.
43. pretty skirts.
44. silhouettes.
45. anything that is color coordinated.
46. getting lost in a book.
47. Christian Siriano's collection for Payless {yes, Payless}.
48. this adorable bag from Pat & Cake.
49. Oliver People's glasses.
50. + the coincidence that I need some new glasses.
51. flickr pro.

52. this month's GQ.

53. the cover + story in particular.

54. pretty calendars.

55. canvas grocery bags.

56. our 9" rainfall showerhead.

57. this video that pretty much sums up facebook.

58. really good salad dressing.

59. girls night out. or in.

60. wilco.

61. Marais USA's amazing shoes.

62. + adorable designers.

63. mgmt's awesomeness.

64. driving around until the end of your song.

65. even though you are already where you need to be.

66. my new bag from the husband.

67. + thinking about getting the professional massage that he got me.

68. sweet little baby clothes.

69. opening the windows in the house.

70. sleeping until the last possible second.

{{catching up from last week}}.

And I have to throw in a couple that I'm not so grateful for this week....

::Husband elbowing me in my face in his sleep last night.

::The virus that has taken over our home computer.

Hmmm.... maybe the new macbook will be ours sooner than we thought {which would definitely be finding grace in big things; our bank account, however, doesn't feel the same}.

currently listening to :: time to pretend by mgmt.

watched this movie {+ loved it}.

celebrated my birthday with amazing friends.

ate my favorite pizza.

took care of a sick G-man.

took some pictures outside.

finally uploaded pictures {details later}.

cleaned out our cars.

bought new bedding.

turned the furnace off.

+ opened the windows.

enjoyed my awesome life.

with my adorable husband.

{{details...}}

On Friday afternoon Brian noticed that G had a couple bumps on his belly. By the time I got home from work, he was fully broke out in hives all over his body. Exactly like when it happened it to him last summer. Gave him some benadryl Friday night, but by Saturday morning he hadn't cleared up any, so off to the vet we went. She upped his benadryl dosage, gave him antibiotics + a few other meds {$300!!, but obviously worth it}, which tentatively helped, but Saturday night the bumps were back {maybe not so worth it!}. Called the vet, and she had to give him steroid pills because the risk of him not being able to breathe was just too great. The steroids cleared him right up and he is happy as a clam now, but I just hate having to result to steroids because I know they aren't good for him. But at the moment I am just happy to have him happy+healthy.

As for the bedding, last week G for some strange reason decided to get an upset stomach on our comforter {now makes me think it was somehow related to the hives?} but it was a one-time thing, so maybe not. Even though Brian and I immediately headed to the laundromat to wash the comforter in a commerical-sized washer, it sadly could not be saved. :( After some research we ended up ordering this guy for a very reasonable price {spied via My Life In Transition; thanks Julia!} and it just arrived yesterday. It is now washed + happy on our bed + looks great in the room. I really love it.

And finally, I had a bad week last week. I'm over it now + moving forward, + I thank my lucky stars for my awesome husband+friends+family for making me realize that the bad things in life just aren't worth dwelling on. Which is exactly why I spent my weekend enjoying the heck out of it.

Oh, and finally Spring is coming {as evident above}. Yay!

{pictures by yours truly.}

currently listening to :: lie in the sound by trespassers william.

Wow. I don't know if it's just because I've been waiting so long for a new episode or if this episode was just pure genius... but I was completely awe-struck last night. To say it was amazing is an understatement...

The episode started off with a bang... I was laughing so hard at this scene between Brooke + Julian! This was however before we really knew what they were talking about...

Okay, I'm sorry, but I am so over the Mouth + Millie situation. I feel like they have been fighting for weeks, but just keep saying the same thing. And I do completely understand that things like this are hard to move past, but really, there needs to be a change. I guess her saying last night that she is planning on staying in NY is a big change, so maybe I should shut my mouth. But it just seemed like the same old thing to me. And as much as I do believe that Mouth pushed her away, I still think that the majority of it is Millie's fault. She slept with someone else for goodness sake! I hope that they can get back together; drama-free.

On to my favorites- duh! Everything between Haley + Nathan was amazing last night. And while I love little Jamie, it was so nice seeing just the two of them together + happy again. =] They are so smoking hot...

Happy anniversary Naley!!!

This, my friends, was hilarious. Just look at the little smirk on Jamie's face....

From oh-so-adorably-cute....

....to what the hell is going on??

It was obvious when they walked in the door it was not good news. But I think that their faces say so much right here. Peyton is pissed, sad, hurt + confused. Lucas is a mess + mostly worried about Peyton. I can't say enough about the amazing acting last night... but Chad + Hilarie in particular were phenomenal! Even looking at these screencaps this morning brought all of the emotion back to me... and that says a heck of a lot!

SO ADORABLE!!

I love them so much. This episode was the epitome of Lucas + Peyton. And I loved seeing how they each console each other.

Back to amazing Naley. Hearing them talk about their dreams + their love + running around the empty house was just so awesome. It doesn't matter what these two do or where they go, as long as they are together, they will be amazing.

So fricking adorable...

And this was hilarious! Julian looking up who Brooke has "dated"...

I thought it was so sweet how in love with her he is. And why shouldn't he be? But Brooke wouldn't be Brooke if she could fall in love that easily... and it's for good reason.

But I do think she's going to get there eventually. I think they are each other's "ones".

This was a long time coming, and so worth the wait.... seeing Dan+Deb talk again was phenomenal and brought back so many issues.

But the fact that they had to pretend to be honkey-dory in front of Jamie just made it all the more better...

Thinking that maybe they are going to be okay... walking down memory lane...

Who was I kidding? The old Dannyboy rears his ugly head. It was kind of nice seeing him for a change. I should have known he would have come out on Deb.

Totally saw this coming...

Can you tell who are my favorites??

And as much as we all know Julian has nothing to worry about with Brooke+Lucas, I can't say I blame him for being scared about it because of his past with Peyton...

Once again, Lucas+Peyton were unbelievable last night. This episode reminded me of why this show is so important to me. Utter awesomeness.

Lucas was absolutely, freaking adorable last night. Hands down, those two stole the show. I truly can't believe this is happening to them... and I really don't like it. But it wouldn't be the epic Peyton+Lucas love story if there wasn't always something trying to hold them back, now would it?

Next week cannot come soon enough!!!!!

currently listening to :: sea song by lisa hannigan.