Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Today sucks; I have to tell you. It sucks. As grateful and as lucky as I know I am for my life, today just sucks. And I think I should be allowed to wallow in it if I want to for a day week. We are poor. Today. Today we are poor. No money in our bank account. In fact negative money in our bank account, which gives me such a warm and fuzzy. We owe people out the wazoo. No food in the fridge. It is so depressing that I can’t even tell you. I just cry. Even now… after making it through a YEAR of unemployment we are struggling. We’re both working full time, but it doesn’t matter. I just can’t get us out of this rut. And even though in a couple of days, the paychecks will come rolling in (minus overdraft charges) and things will be fine. It will only last for a little while. And we’ll be back here again.

I’ve done everything that I know to do and nothing seems to matter. I’m beginning to think this is what the rest of our lives will be like. Always struggling. Depressing. At this point I just really don’t see it changing. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

And yes, again, I know.. we are lucky yadda yadda yadda. We both have jobs. We have a house. We have our health. And we have each other. I know that I am luckier than 99% of the rest of the population… I do know that. But it doesn’t change how I feel right now. In this moment. I feel defeated.

Oh and also my blogging style has obviously significantly changed. Apparently I no longer have an aptitude for any bullshit and am telling it how it is- good, bad or otherwise. Maybe I’ll be good at that….

Off I go to pout and cry and listen to The National and wallow in their lyrics.

(stacey's photo from everly, iowa)


Keondra said...

I know exactly what you and your husband are going through! It is perfectly okay to feel defeated and unhappy right now. Having no money sucks!!!! I know that things will eventually get better, but we're not there yet, so it's okay to say things right now are shitty.