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3/25/09




...because it makes this real. But it is real, and this is what I have my blog for, so here goes. I found out on Monday that my job was eliminated. It hasn't been an easy couple of days because I'm just trying to understand and cope with all of this. And honestly, I have kind of been in complete shock and disbelief... I am still in the process of trying to make myself believe it.

Monday was a confusing day. I didn't know if it was just me? Or if it was a group of cuts? But at that time I didn't really care.... it was my job, my mortgage, my electric bill, my food, my life. I was emotional to say the least and very, very confused. I was told that it was not performance-related, but that was all I knew. I cried to Brian and my parents and tried to understand it all. I have since learned that an entire division, my division, was completely cut. So basically all of my co-workers on my team, my boss, my bosses boss, and so forth had all lost their jobs. 700 people. This did not make me feel any better, but it was comforting to know that I was not alone. Shortly thereafter the calls started rolling in from my co-workers who had lost their jobs as well... and there was comfort in that. But it still is what it is. I am just trying to imagine everything that our team did... and how the heck they are going to take care of all that... but I keep forgetting that this isn't my worry anymore. A very strange feeling. I have worked there for 7 years... since I was in high school. I have never worked anywhere else... and now I am being forced to step out of my comfort zone and figure out what to do.

I'm not saying that in the end this will not be a positive thing, because it very well may be, and I truly hope that it is. But for now, it is just scary. Terrifying.

I am lucky that the company is being very good about everything. I get severance through July so I have time to figure things out, but at the same time, I don't want to waste any time because of the way the economy is I have to make sure that I find something within that time. I just have to figure out what I want. I don't know if I want to do what my degree is in, or if I would even be able to find anything in that area. I just know that I want to be happy. And so I have to start searching for jobs and figuring this all out... but it just still all seems so crazy.

I still have my work laptop and company credit cards and miscellaneous items. I still have go there and clean out my cubicle.... it's so crazy. I spent all day yesterday basically in a whirlwind... my mind just won't shut off. I can't sleep. I couldn't get over the fact that I didn't have to get up and go to the office yesterday... it's just such a routine and now everything is changed. I've basically been sitting on the couch with G, trying to distract my mind with How I Met Your Mother and ice cream {that my dad dropped off} and Starbucks {that my mom dropped off} and did I mention that birds nest that has taken residence on my head? But it just doesn't matter and I just don't care. Eventually I remember everything and just start crying again. I know that this will pass... but I just need some time to get this to sink in. And I can't stop thinking about some of the amazing people that I work with... the ones with kids to worry about, and the ones who's husbands have been laid off already and now what are they going to do? It is just so unfair and so unreal.

But then I remember that Brian and I are alive and healthy. And with so many things going on in our world... that is all that matters. It doesn't matter where we live or what we have or if we have to move in with our parents at 24... we are alive and healthy and have each other. And that is the only thing that truly matters.

I think I'm going to take this week... to adjust myself. I've already cleaned off my computer, but like I said I still have many loose ends to tie up. I want to get this all taken care of so that I can put the past out of my mind. And then hopefully next week I can start to focus on my future. I just really have to work on getting myself there.

I had a lot of perks at my job that I will miss... a lot. Working from home in my pajamas on Mondays, often margarita Friday afternoons, trips around the country to see places I might have otherwise never see, and making truly amazing friends that I know I will have forever. It's easy to focus on the good things when you don't have them anymore. So I'm also trying to remind myself that it wasn't all sunshine+roses... I also had co-workers that I couldn't stand and oftentimes felt insignificant because my job wasn't really helping people... so I should really remember both sides of the story. But it's not easy.

Here's to hoping that I will get there soon and forget about all of this heartbreak...



{words that i needed to hear today via lovely happenings}.

12 comments:

Lindsay said...

oh you poor thing! I'm so sorry. I hope you're able to find something that really makes you happy. good luck!

Kristy said...

I'm so sorry to hear this!! 700 people, that is SO CRAZY. You need to take a day or 5 and do things YOU want to do... spend the entire day reading amazing books in the sun, rolling around in the grass with Guinness, just things that YOU love. You deserve it :)

Mrs. J L said...

I am so sorry that you having to go through this. I wish you ALL the best in finding another job. Take a few days off like u said and then go for it. Think positive and just move forward. good luck!

Kristal said...

I am so so sorry to hear this Chelsea. What a difficult thing to deal with...but you are right to remember that the important thing is that you and Brian are both alive and healthy. You have each other. Chad and I had this conversation JUST last night. About how lucky we are to know that we could move back in with our parents should something catastrophic happen to us or our finances.

Take the week to adjust and recover, and then hit the ground running next Monday. I'm confident you'll find something!

Windy City Kelley's said...

I’m sorry you have to deal with this! Like you said, re-group next week and your next job will be even better than this last one.

KC said...

I am so very sorry to hear about your job. The one piece of professional advice I have for you is to take the time, until July, to find your job. Because if you jump at the first job available, you may not like it and might not stay. You have the severance package until July. Use it! Good luck with the job hunt! You'll do great!!

mrs.leah.maria said...

Oh Chels. I'm devastated for you. I hope that the time you take is sufficient for you to heal and move forward, equipped with the knowledge that you will better yourself from this.

I'm praying for you girl.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry! I can't imagine how difficult this time must be for you, but you are 100 percent right in focusing on what you DO have. Your health, an amazing husband and family... ((HUGS))

Julia said...

Oh, Chelsea. I'm so sorry. Good for you for looking at the bright side in the midst of all this....you are right, it's just a job and you will pull through.

I agree with pp....take your time finding the next job and enjoy some free time, too. don't just jump at the first option or you might not be truly happy. And remember that it's going to be okay!

Joi said...

I am so sorry Chelsea. This news is heartbreaking. You and your entire family are in my thoughts and I hope this opens new doors for you. : )

. said...

I'm so sorry you and your family is having to go through this. T+P coming your way. Stay positive:)

Kate said...

I'm so sorry. This is a horrible time for that. And I hope things turn out for the best for you. :) Hopefully this will just be a major turning point in your life.

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