keep your head up.

it's no secret that music is a huge part of my life. i can relate to a song when i feel like no one else on earth can understand me. and some days, that is everything.

i have had a playlist... "when i need it" it's called. it started off so small... years and years ago when our battle with infertility began. just a few songs that i stumbled upon or that i felt related to what was in my heart. as you can imagine, since then it has grown.

and grown. and grown.

i listen to it on particularly bad days. i listen to it on days when i feel alone. i listen to it on days when i feel like i might fall apart. i listen to it on days when i need hope. since our miscarriage, i have found even more, so many more, songs that help me to feel less alone... less tragic... less hurt. some of the songs are sad and just let me cry. some let me be bitter. but so many give me hope and faith. and in this journey, that is all i can ask for.

if these songs can help anyone the way that they have helped and continue to help me, then i am happy for sharing them. even if you are not struggling with infertility, so many of these songs are about loss and heartache and finding the courage to find hope again. i can't think of anyone who would not want to find the joy in a song like that.

i thought about posting them all... making my big playlist public for all. but i realized how overwhelming that would be. too hard to listen to them and appreciate the verses that way. instead, i am going to be posting one song a day. music is so healing for me. i wish that everyone could feel the way that i feel in my soul when i listen to these songs.

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i spent my time, watching

the spaces that have grown between us.

and i cut my mind on second best,

oh the scars that come with the greenness.

and i gave my eyes to the boredom,

still the seabed wouldn't let me in.

and i try my best to embrace the darkness

in which i swim.

now walking back, down this mountain,

the strength of a turnin' tide.

oh the wind so soft, and my skin,

yeah the sun so hot upon my side.

oh lookin' out at this happiness

i searched for between the sheets,

oh feelin' blind, i realize,

all i was searchin' for was me.

oh oh oh, all i was searchin' for was me.

oh yeah, keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

no, no, no, no, keep your mind set, keep your hair long.

oh my, my darlin', keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

na, oh, no, no, keep your mind set in your ways.

keep your heart strong.

[ben howard]

lovechelsea