Sunday, February 17, 2013

.thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of the heartfelt messages and prayers you have been sending our way. i can't tell you how comforting they have been to us and we thank you dearly.

.i know that things will be okay for us again.

.i have faith that God has reasons for this that we cannot know.

.i still find myself favoring my belly.

.i miss brian talking to baby bean in there.

.i think i will be okay sometimes. and then sometimes the weight in my heart is unbearable.

.by recommendation of the sweetest nurse, we went to see a movie on saturday. we went to see safe haven and that was probably my favorite two hours of this long weekend. the movie theater makes it easy to disappear and slip into another world, but we were still together. and the movie was really sweet.

.we have been having a hard time finding a balance of staying at home and getting out of the house. i thought that i would want to just stay couped up inside forever, just us, and deal with this. but that was a lot harder than i imagined. when we're here... it is hard not to just dwell in it. we are surrounded by what is happening and there aren't enough distractions. it's too sad. we have managed to paint two walls in our living room two different colors and have half of the shelves we intended to hang in our kitchen right now. too distracted, no focus, being home is hard.

.being in public is it's own enemy. surrounded. invaded. fear of seeing anyone that we know because we weren't in a place to behave normal. we have just been having a very hard time finding a balance to grieve, but still keep it together, and begin to move on.

.it's a process and i think we will continue to do better everyday. holding on and letting go.

.we prayed together and cried together and learned together.

.we found cupcakes in our mailbox and prayers in our inbox.

.a couple of sentiments that have really touched us are this print and the prayer below, both sent to us by kind, kind people.

.i found myself crying in the baby section at the target (going there was not wise).

.guinness is the best.

.we listened to bon iver a lot and read a lot of helpful books.

.we had coca-cola for breakfast, and deli meat at our favorite place for lunch and takout sushi for dinner... all reminders that i am not pregnant anymore.

.we watched the perks of being a wallflower and all of the special features (the. poem.)

.we have received so much love and so many prayers and so much guidance from people who love and support us and there are no words that can explain how comforting you all have been to us. thank you all.


There is no way to remove the pain. The grief is real. The only sanity is to know, to believe, in a life beyond with you, when all the scales are righted and the sufferings are made good. We trust you and your promise that while this child’s life on earth is done, his life beyond has just begun. With that release we lose him and let him go into your arms, then by faith receive in return the boundless comfort of your presence. That is all, that is enough. In Jesus.